My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
