I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
