i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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