lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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