She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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