I wish I could punch you in the face.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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