So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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