I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
