There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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