I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
