Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
