Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a hot homeless man
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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