Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
