Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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