Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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