I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
