Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
