we're blogging at a bar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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