I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
