I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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