I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
