Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
