And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
porn star boner night. come get it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
