I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
