They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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