All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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