dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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