Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
