So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
