nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
