wake up i wanna do it froggy style
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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