Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
