dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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