You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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