I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
