we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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