You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
