It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
