i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
