Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
