i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
