We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
