Farmville is her only friend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
