I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
