in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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