I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
