Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
