VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
