Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
