he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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