god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
