Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
