thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
