Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
