If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
