i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
